I'm still sure I don't want anything to happen with yoga girl so that's nice to have a final decision, I can just draw a line under that and get on with life. I was trying to just be normal with her, as friends, but it doesn't seem as though that's going to be possible. My housemate keeps saying ahh you just have to be normal with her and a tiny bit flirty in a friend way or something to show that everything is ok.
I hadn't really given that much thought but when I was in Italy I spoke to her and made a vague plan to go round and fix her wardrobe (which I said I'd do ages ago but haven't got round to) and watch some film that looks crap that she reckons is brilliant.
Now, I don't know about you, but I make about a hundred vague plans with friends every week, the vast majority of which never happen or certainly don't always within the next few days. Maybe it's because I'm so busy and always travelling around, but most of my friends are the same. We think of something we'd like to do, say we should do it, then never get round to it.
Well, about five days after I got back from Italy I was away again - still in the country this time, but away from home. And that lot went out for the Sunday night and it turned out she was in a grump because I'd made a plan for just the two of us to do something and then never followed up on it. I don't think it helped that I'd had a bit to drink when I made the plan, but I was absolutely not battered. I remember the conversation fully, I never forget anything no matter how drunk I get and I'd litereally only had a couple of beers. At no point was it a coupley thing or a come on, but apparently I've been leading her on again.
So now I just can't be bothered putting too much effort into being mates with her for a while because it seems like every time I do she's going to get the wrong idea and I'm going to end up being the bad guy. I don't know what else to do, short of saying 'look, I don't like you that way so nothing is going to be a come on no matter how much it looks like it might be to you, I'm just being friends.' But that seems quite harsh and I don't think I would ever actually say that to anyone. I have enough guilt just simply for not liking someone back, without having to hurt her feelings!!

So, yoga girl aside, there are now two more girls on the scene. Not really sure how that happened but it has. The first one I haven't actually met yet. She started emailing me after we were both involved in a group email with some people we both know. She must have roughly known who I was through someone but I didn't know her. She's quite keen and she seems nice enough and good fun. Can't really tell much from emails so I agreed to meet up next week for a drink. It was a bit forward when she said 'So, are you going to ask me out or am I going to have to keep dropping subtle hints' I, of course, was oblivious to any hints, but I do think that people just being straight forward should be encouraged. Far better than playing games for ever and not knowing.
This might sound bad, but tough, this blog is for writing how I really feel about things. I can say the things I'm only supposed to say to my friends. I'm actually finding it a bit off-putting that she's texting me all the time. How stupid is that? When you like someone you want to text them all the time. But I just hardly know this girl and think it's a bit soon for her to get excited. She can't possibly like me that much because she doesn't know me!!
To be fair a lot of the texts were just arranging where to meet up, but yesterday was the first day she didn't text me all week and when she does she keeps saying things like 'sorry to text you so much, don't think i'm a stalker, but......' Not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing that she's aware of it. Anyway, that's all besides the point really, I'll meet her on Tuesday and see what's she like and how we get on, I just thought it was weird that I would have negative feelings because someone is contacting me a lot. That probably tells me a lot more about how happy I am being single at the moment and how much I'm just enjoying living my own life without having anyone else to answer to or even think about.
But that's not an easy thing to explain to someone, especially if I do like her and want to see her again, but just not all the time!

Oh yeah, and the other girl. I know this girl through mutual friends but I don't know her well at all. I don't even know the friend that well, more of an aquaintance really. Anyway she's been emailing back and forth too while I was away last weekend.... It probably says a lot about me that 99% of my contact with people is by phone or email. I'm just away so much that I hardly ever seen my housemates, people I work with, or friends, never mind people I hardly know!!

Anyway, I'm getting on really well with this chick and I think we have a lot more in common. I'm sure it sounds awfully shallow but I also know this girl is quite pretty, whereas the other one I've only seen one pic of and it's hard to tell. But then, shallow as it sounds, you've got to be attracted to someone haven't you!

So yeah, now I have to try to avoid leading yoga girl on again, meet this new chick and see what she's like, and probably arrange to go out with the second new chick if I keep liking her more.

well at least the training is going well! i've officially entered the Bournemouth Pier to Pier swim. I think it's for the British Heart Foundation but to be honest I'm not doing it for the charity. I should still sort sponsorshop and such cos it's a good cause, but I'm really doing it for me.
July 20th, 1.4 miles, here we come. I think I'll be fine with that one because I'm now swimming 1km every morning and I still have about 11 weeks, so we're on schedule there.
There's also a Dorset charity cycle on July 6th which I'm planning to enter. You can ride 20, 40, or 60 miles depending on how much of a glutton for punishment you are. But I haven't entered that one yet. I think I need a couple more encouraging sessions on the bike before I actually believe I can do that one!

there has been less progress in the love side of life. I'm beginning to warm to Flossy. I'm not sure what it is, it's not a sexual attraction. We're getting on really and I thought it was just the beginning of being really good mates, but I'm still not convinced that there might not be more to it. And since I've thought better of rediscovering Tabatha, that's made things a bit simpler.
I'm still over-ruled by the notion that I really don't want to risk doing anything that might end up making a mess of *another* friendship circle. So for the moment I'm dedicated to doing nothing. Even as friends we're talking more and spending more time together, and I think that should definitely be enough for now.
Me, Flossy, and my two housemates went to the cinema the other night and those two seem to have got the hang of not being weird around us, or being not quite subtle enough, so that was good. And I'm making dinner for Flossy and Jess tomorrow evening so if that goes smoothly, I think we should be into the friend zone - not usually a place I want to end up, but I'm actually aiming for it this time!

my job has always been one constant in my life. i'm a writer and editor, and incredibly fortunate that I absolutely love what I do for a living. Even though it takes up too many evenings, almost all my weekends, and involves regularly being away from home for days on end, I've always been happy in it. It's never been a part of my life that's caused me any bother - which is probably why I haven't mentioned it yet.
but it got a bit confusing when some reality sunk in this evening.
i've recently changed roles slightly, but maintained some of my old role at the same time. It means there are two very different parts to my job. The new bit, which I really enjoy, am totally up for throwing myself into, and is ultimately where the future lies... money, career, all that. Then there is the bit that's left from my last role, which is the bit I love the most. It's the most enjoyable part and the part I've always valued highest, but it's less sustainable in the long term. These two sides are beginning to clash and prevent me from doing the first part as well as I know I should be doing it.
I suppose I have to accept that I need to let the fun, carefree, almost selfishly enjoyable side of it go more, so that I can concentrate on my new role, but at the same time I don't want to because I love it so much.

then another job was offered as a possibility today. not actually offered, but presented as something to think about. it's in America and would involved moving there at the start of next year. And if I went it would have to be a pretty serious commitment to pursuing that role instead of the one I'm in now.

i lived in america for a year when I was 21 and absolutely loved it. That was only ever going to be for one year but I've always wanted to go back. I thought my chance had gone when I settled down with my ex, but now that she's an ex I have the freedom to do whatever I want. The only trouble is I'm not sure if I want to do it permanently. I'd almost prefer to be able to go for a couple of years and then come back if I wanted.
But this is very much either one thing or the other. I'd have to give up the job I have and love now, and it wouldn't be here when I got back. If I went at the job in America properly, it would be a huge opportunity. A chance to make big money and start a whole new life, but it would make it difficult to come back.

........hmmmm, it's a good job I've got at least six months to mull it over.