well at least the training is going well! i've officially entered the Bournemouth Pier to Pier swim. I think it's for the British Heart Foundation but to be honest I'm not doing it for the charity. I should still sort sponsorshop and such cos it's a good cause, but I'm really doing it for me.
July 20th, 1.4 miles, here we come. I think I'll be fine with that one because I'm now swimming 1km every morning and I still have about 11 weeks, so we're on schedule there.
There's also a Dorset charity cycle on July 6th which I'm planning to enter. You can ride 20, 40, or 60 miles depending on how much of a glutton for punishment you are. But I haven't entered that one yet. I think I need a couple more encouraging sessions on the bike before I actually believe I can do that one!

there has been less progress in the love side of life. I'm beginning to warm to Flossy. I'm not sure what it is, it's not a sexual attraction. We're getting on really and I thought it was just the beginning of being really good mates, but I'm still not convinced that there might not be more to it. And since I've thought better of rediscovering Tabatha, that's made things a bit simpler.
I'm still over-ruled by the notion that I really don't want to risk doing anything that might end up making a mess of *another* friendship circle. So for the moment I'm dedicated to doing nothing. Even as friends we're talking more and spending more time together, and I think that should definitely be enough for now.
Me, Flossy, and my two housemates went to the cinema the other night and those two seem to have got the hang of not being weird around us, or being not quite subtle enough, so that was good. And I'm making dinner for Flossy and Jess tomorrow evening so if that goes smoothly, I think we should be into the friend zone - not usually a place I want to end up, but I'm actually aiming for it this time!

my job has always been one constant in my life. i'm a writer and editor, and incredibly fortunate that I absolutely love what I do for a living. Even though it takes up too many evenings, almost all my weekends, and involves regularly being away from home for days on end, I've always been happy in it. It's never been a part of my life that's caused me any bother - which is probably why I haven't mentioned it yet.
but it got a bit confusing when some reality sunk in this evening.
i've recently changed roles slightly, but maintained some of my old role at the same time. It means there are two very different parts to my job. The new bit, which I really enjoy, am totally up for throwing myself into, and is ultimately where the future lies... money, career, all that. Then there is the bit that's left from my last role, which is the bit I love the most. It's the most enjoyable part and the part I've always valued highest, but it's less sustainable in the long term. These two sides are beginning to clash and prevent me from doing the first part as well as I know I should be doing it.
I suppose I have to accept that I need to let the fun, carefree, almost selfishly enjoyable side of it go more, so that I can concentrate on my new role, but at the same time I don't want to because I love it so much.

then another job was offered as a possibility today. not actually offered, but presented as something to think about. it's in America and would involved moving there at the start of next year. And if I went it would have to be a pretty serious commitment to pursuing that role instead of the one I'm in now.

i lived in america for a year when I was 21 and absolutely loved it. That was only ever going to be for one year but I've always wanted to go back. I thought my chance had gone when I settled down with my ex, but now that she's an ex I have the freedom to do whatever I want. The only trouble is I'm not sure if I want to do it permanently. I'd almost prefer to be able to go for a couple of years and then come back if I wanted.
But this is very much either one thing or the other. I'd have to give up the job I have and love now, and it wouldn't be here when I got back. If I went at the job in America properly, it would be a huge opportunity. A chance to make big money and start a whole new life, but it would make it difficult to come back.

........hmmmm, it's a good job I've got at least six months to mull it over.